yayoi kusama
Wise words from an old insane artist:"Think of breathing. You have to breathe so many times, and it's actually kind of a nuisance. Or food. Think if you saw all in one space the food you eat during a whole lifetime, how terrifying it would be, that you are eating your way through all that, and that you have to go on, every day, and eat. And drink. For me, I have so many further things like that, so many compulsions." Later, she explained, "I feel as if I am driving on an endless highway until my death. It is like continuing to drink thousands of cups of coffee served in an automatic cafeteria. I will continue to desire and, at the same time, to escape all sorts of feelings and visions until the end of my days. Whether I want to or not I cannot stop living and yet I cannot escape from death. The consciousness of living in continuation sometimes drives me crazy. It makes me sick before and after my work. On the other hand, I am terrified by the obsession crawling over my body whether it came from within me or from outside..."
"...It was not so simple, not so easy to come up with this way of living that I've had. I was given a sad life by fate, but I think I won a happy life. . . Not one day has passed when I didn't think of suicide, but I'm very glad to be alive now. Most people are so preoccupied with their illness, sickness, and they live a very ordinary life. I was so involved and so engrossed with painting, and knew from my childhood that it could help me to overcome unhappiness..."
A litte bit about her...
Born in 1929, Yayoi Kusama is amongst the most highly acclaimed artists in Japan. Since the age of 10, she had been creating her famous polka dots and netlike motifs. These repetitive patterns are so significant in her works that critics and curators have often associated them with her mental condition to try and explain her work. The fact is Kusama had never made her mental condition a big secret. Instead, she had allowed it to take centre stage in her artistic life. She embraced it and had repeatedly proclaimed that her illness was the major driving force in her art. No wonder rumours went around that her "mental illness" was merely a publicity stunt.
Kusama was first diagnosis of suffering from schizophrenia by Japanese psychiatrist Shiho Nishimaru in 1952. Then, in 1977, due to numerous negative life events while she was living in the United States, she had admitted herself into a mental hospital in Tokyo. Few knew the intensity of her loneliness and depression when she was living in America. Let alone, what kind of possible trauma, she could have endured during the troubled times of war in her teenage years, when she worked in a military parachute factory. Recently, Kusama's illness had been re-assessed. In accordance with the current findings, she was suffering from migraine aura experiences, anxiety, and depression. These may account for all known facts of her medical history as well as for the imagery of her artistic universe of dots, nets and accumulations. Thus, it is true that she is 'crazy'. Yet, amazingly, she had used this condition to her advantage and effectively utilised it to distinguish global issues of her time. Her obsessive and imperative desire to engulf everything in her works is a statement that speaks fervently of her desire to relieve herself while, at the same time to allow people to relate to her thoughts. Therefore, her works will always be a reflection of her condition and her constant battle with her inner self. It is part of her life; hence, it is to be an inseparable part in her art as well - to become obsessively obliterated infinitely.
(References were removed from text)
If you are interested to know more about her, go to her pretty neat official website
Some additional stuff. This clip is not in English but may be a good introduction to her works.
And this is an audio interview that you can listen to.
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